Acting My Age at Hoodie Allen

I went to a Hoodie Allen concert on Leap Day. (Fitting, given that one of his earliest album's is titled Leap Year.) Despite all of the somewhat derisive opinions I'm about to express, I have to point out that going to this concert was 100% my idea and I was no way coerced into attending. Because I am a Hoodie Allen fan. The issue is that I am apparently in the upper range of his fan demographic. 

Hoodie's Wikipedia page calls his music "hip hop/alternative hip hop/underground hip hop." I would probably term it "frat boy rap." See, I expected a lot of college kids. I was a sophomore when I first heard Hoodie, and I'm not even a year out myself, despite what my sleeping habits and Netflix choices might indicate. What I was not expecting was a bunch of high school kids. 

My friend/co-concert attendee and I arrived at the venue early, hoping to grab our tickets then head to dinner. It was about 5:30. The doors didn't open until 7:00 and the show didn't start until 8:00, but there was a line. There were event tents. Why in the name of God someone would camp out to see Hoodie Allen in Omaha, Nebraska, I'm not sure, but apparently some people did. Even from across the street, it was apparent that the average age of those lined up was probably 16. Ridiculous.

I say this with judgement, but also with understanding. When I was in high school, being as close to the stage as I could possibly get seemed of vital importance to me, too. If I had to stand in line for a few hours, so what? 

The times, they have a-changed. These days I will gladly sulk by the bar area in back during a concert. Amazingly enough, you can hear the music just as well there! I guess when I was in high school, I somehow thought my concert would be radically different if only I was able to subtly elbow and crowd my way to front, center stage. Maybe the performer would see me in the crowd and recognize me. Maybe they'd pull me up on stage. Maybe we'd fall in love! Or maybe I would at least get passed the elusive concert joint that you always smell all night but never see materialize. I don't know. 

Anyway, those things have become unimportant to me now. Now I just care about standing in relative comfort in reach of the booze and enjoying the music. This is growing up, people. 

In the bathroom, after the opener but before Hoodie, I thought for a moment I'd found kindred spirits. I overheard the following:

Drunk Girl 1: "Everyone here is like, NINE."

Drunk Girl 2: "Someone's PARENTS dropped them off."

Drunk Girl 3: "Oh my God, like, don't you have school tomorrow?"

Drunk Girl 2: "Yeah, go to bed!"

I found myself nodding in agreement. Yeah, high schoolers, I thought. Don't you have school tomorrow? 

But then:

Drunk Girl ?: "Do you think he'll sign my titties?"

That was where the drunk girls lost me. And unfortunately for these drunk girls, they were either too old or too not-twig-like for Hoodie to have any interest in their tits, if the girls I did see sneaking off backstage were any indication. 

The performance itself was great, though a couple things had me turning up my Very Grown Up nose. Firstly, several ladies of the crowd threw their bras up on the stage. Why, ladies? That shit is expensive! And what the hell is he going to do with those, other than maybe add them to the pile? Come on. If you want to show your boobies, that's fine, but put your bra in your back pocket. You're gonna want that back. And then at one point Hoodie threw some cakes into the crowd, apparently in celebration of one of his classic tunes, "Cake Boy." Later, I saw all these girls in the bathroom desperately trying to wash the blue and purple frosting off themselves. Disgusting. The front row is not worth it, y'all. 

Leaving the show, my friend remarked on the amazing amount of tiny, slutty babies in attendance. Perfectly stated, and Hoodie apparently agrees:

Considering that a lot of Hoodie's music is about partying, casual boning and generally refusing to grow up, I probably shouldn't be surprised about the demographic. I should probably be surprised that I even like his music. When I drink these days, I'm not so much getting white girl wasted as I am getting wine mom drunk. There is definitely a difference, the difference being that the latter entails being mostly stationary on the couch and passing out by 11:00, tops. In one of my favorite Hoodie songs, he raps:

My friends grew up, they never get drunk
They never wanna stay out late
They're gonna get jobs, they're gonna pay bills
They're gonna get old and gray
I'll never do that, I wanna stay young
Don't wanna fit in, I wanna have fun
So if that's okay
I don't think I'm ever gonna act my age

I am apparently usually going to act my age, plus another 10 years...but I guess I still appreciate the sentiment.