The Bucket List Problem

As a certified Young Person, the internet has tons of advice for me, all of it neatly packed in list form: “X Number of Things I Should See/Do/Achieve Before I’m X Age.”

(Of course, strangers on the interwebz will line up to give you advice whatever your age:)

One list, 29 Things You Should Accomplish Before You’re 30 (which, the article insists, applies to people over 30 as well), suggests learning your family history, running a marathon, improving your wine knowledge and attending a musical festival as just a few things you should prioritize before hitting the big 3-0.

Don’t get me wrong—a lot of these are already on my list. For one thing, I’m always looking to improve my wine knowledge (if by “improve my knowledge” you mean “drink more wine”). And I recently ran my first half-marathon, and I do want to run a full some day (and let’s be real, if it doesn’t happen in the next seven years, I’m not sure it’s going to).

But just because I’m on board with some of these doesn’t mean they’re universal. What if I hated running? Or was physically incapable of running due to an injury or disability? Running 26.2 miles, to say nothing of all the miles you have to run to prepare to run 26.2 miles, isn’t for everyone.

A lot of these lists also include travel. Traveling is great! I’ve been abroad twice in 2016 and hope to be abroad many more times before I’m 30/50/dead, but these lists come off somewhat presumptuous, because for a lot of people my age—and, honestly, just a lot of people—travel isn’t affordable or feasible.

Another popular item on these types of lists is relocating. Move somewhere totally new! Where you don’t know anyone! Establish yourself in a different city or state or even country to find out who you really are! It does sound neat, except...what if I’m happy here? I don’t know where life will take me and I’m always up for a new adventure, but as of now, I’m probably gonna be born, live and die in the same 100-mile radius. Which, depending on your situation, might sound really terrible, but for me, it doesn’t suck.

These lists go on and on. I could make a list of all the lists! Here’s another, 25 Things You Should Do Before 25. Shit, guys. I apparently only have about a year to learn to cook a three-course meal suitable for a small dinner party, develop a green thumb, learn a new language and watch about 70 movies. See you in 2018.

Point is: These lists are arbitrary and silly. They often make people feel bad for 1) not being realistically able to do things they’d like to do or 2) not doing something they have no interest in doing. Which is dumb. Listen, internet authors, my bucket list =/= your bucket list. While I may or may not want to hear about what life experiences you’ve found valuable, I’m definitely not interested in feeling like I’m not dreaming big enough or like I’ve missed an opportunity.

In the wise words of Albus Dumbledore, “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” So, in the also-wise words of Tim McGraw, go skydiving, rocky mountain climbing...I don’t know why anyone would actually want to go 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu, or what that even means, but if that’s part of your bucket list, go for it. Focus on making your days awesome, whether those days are spent meditating under a waterfall in the remote corners of the world or just enjoying a really quality Netflix binge from the comfort of your couch.